


all that glitters (cuts like a knife)

by FrostybWitch



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied Romance, canon-verse, spoilers up till ep 8
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 14:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7848895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrostybWitch/pseuds/FrostybWitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mari, for all her life, has always been inexplicably drawn to things, shiny and bright.</p><p>So it goes without saying, when she is first approached by Kanan in grade school, all smiles and straight ivory teeth, Mari had been struck, left completely dazzled by her radiance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all that glitters (cuts like a knife)

Mari, for all her life, has always been inexplicably drawn to things, shiny and bright.

Pearls, diamonds, rubies and emeralds— precious gemstones of various color and shine— her family has them all, along with its wealth and riches; and she fondly remembers her mother’s jewelry box as a treasure cove of pretty gems and rocks. Oh how she would waste away entire afternoons, just weeding through them for the brightest stone. Where after which, she would spend the following hours, enamored by its gleam— of how the light seems to bounce, flittering through its facets in a myriad of colors. It’s all very fascinating to her.

So it goes without saying, when she is first approached by Kanan in grade school, all smiles and straight ivory teeth, Mari had been struck, left completely dazzled by her radiance.

Standing against the open window with the wind in her hair, the rays of the sun painting down on her in light, pale strokes, forming a soft halo over her, she had shone so brightly then, Mari just couldn’t stop and look away for the life of her.

“So what do you say? Want to join us for lunch up at the rooftops?” asks Kanan, lips curled, tearing through her face in a large toothy grin that lights up the vibrant hues of her eyes, setting them aglow.

Amethysts— _**the**_ most brightest pair Mari has ever laid her eyes on— sparkle down at her blithely, so much so that she doesn’t even notice Dia peeking from behind Kanan, smiling— though with not so much of the same vibrancy of Kanan— back at her.

It is an extension of an olive branch. A chance and offer at friendship. Something that Mari doesn’t know if she is quite ready to take, knowing her track record of never quite staying at one place for too long.

But Mari, who has a penchant for all things bright and shiny, is explicably drawn to the girl with the twinkling amethysts for eyes, and simply couldn’t find it in herself to say no.

“Sure, I’d love to.” She says, despite herself.

If it is even humanely possible, Kanan brightens over some more, the ends of her grin reaching into her eyes that glitter and gleam like the shiniest of jewels.

An odd warmth— nothing like Mari has ever felt before— begins to blossom in her chest, filling her with a sensation that leaves her tingling all over.

And in that very moment, Mari knows.

She would do anything— absolutely anything— to forever keep Kanan shining the way that she is.

 

* * *

 

The request of Mari joining their duo in the hopes of forming a school idol group in their first year of high school has been nothing short of a surprise for her; something that had popped up completely out of the blue, and honestly, it had taken Mari off guard.

“I’ve said it once, I’d say it again. No means no.”

Her resolve, one that had been steely and unmoving at the start of the day, is rapidly dwindling, currently teetering on ends when faced with the twin adorable pouts of her two best friends. And she knows, that they know— she is losing it quick.

“But Mari-san, we need you!” Dia insists, vehemently, palms slamming down onto Mari’s desk top, rattling the stationery resting on it. “With your style and your beauty, they’ll help skyrocket us up into the next big thing, I’m sure.” The brain of their trio, ever with the cold hard facts, Dia explains herself fastidiously, emboldened with the fire burning in her eyes.

With a sigh, of course Mari would have to make the greatest mistake of looking to Kanan, who too, is wearing an equally steadfast, determined expression, though her lips are still evidently pursed into that perky little pout Mari finds to be utterly endearing, and it wavers her resolve some more.

“Mari, come on! Think about it, the three of us standing on stage together, singing together, dancing together. Doesn’t it sound exhilarating? Doesn’t it sound fun to you?”

And there’s the thing when Kanan speaks, she has the tendency to speak with her eyes— amethysts gleaming, crackling with emotions with every shift and turn to the light— her hands and her body. To put it simply, when Kanan speaks, she speaks with her heart and it usually strikes somewhere too close to home.

But it is no doubt; in times like this that she shines the brightest, and it blows Mari away every time.

Sighing once more, Mari pointedly drops her gaze and rises from her seat at her desk, but while doing so, she manages to catch a telltale, fleeting glint to Kanan’s eyes. And it is all the warning Mari gets, before she is trapped in a pair of surprisingly powerful arms and pressed up against a warm, warm heat that washes over her pleasantly.

“Mari!”

“A-again?”

Stumbling for her footing, she attempts to struggle— wiggle— her way back to freedom, but alas, Kanan’s arms are like a vice over her, and through experience, Mari knows better than to resist further.

“Mari…”

At the imploring sound of her name, Mari finally yields, reluctantly meeting Kanan’s beseeching gaze.

“Okay fine, don’t do it for the school. But at least do it for us. It just wouldn’t feel right if Dia and I did it alone without you. I mean, after all, we can only shine the brightest when the three of us are together.” Her eyes are round and wide as they peer up at her earnestly, amethyst orbs glittering with promise. “So pretty please?”

In spite of everything, Mari can never quite refuse Kanan— the girl being her one and only weakness— and inwardly Mari wonders if she has finally caught on.

_We can only shine the brightest when the three of us are together. Huh._

And there is that warmth in her chest again. The very same one, back from when they had first met. Though, this time it’s a lot stronger, pulsing through her with every passing heartbeat.

With the last of her resolve crumbling away, Mari glances over to Dia, then finally back over to Kanan, looking ever so resigned, gaze soft and unexpectedly tender.

“Alright, I’m in.” She sighs quietly, despite the twitch of her lips into a smile.

Face contorting, bursting into a wide, lopsided grin, Kanan positively glows at that, her entire visage lighting up in sheer delight, and Mari knows she could have probably light up the entire world if she wanted to at that moment.

In the meanwhile, slightly off to the corner, Dia does a tiny little celebratory dance, squealing in excitement.

“I knew you’d come around eventually,” murmurs Kanan, nuzzling into the slant of Mari’s neck. She can feel her smiling; her lips curling against her skin, and it sends the butterflies in her stomach fluttering wildly.

Through the years she has known Kanan, she is no doubt, the brightest thing Mari has ever laid her eyes on. Shinier than any gem or jewel. She’s the stars that scatter across the night skies in a pattern of sequin-silver; the sun that burns overhead, blinding everything it touches.

And if standing by her, would help her in shining.

Then Mari would very gladly bend over backwards to do it.

 

* * *

 

The days following after their return from Tokyo are probably one of the worst.

Not only do they have to deal with the pitying looks of their fellow classmates and the sympathetic, yet supposedly motivational talks from their teachers and family, they, too, have to deal with the turmoil that is only slowly eating away at them like a parasite.

In many ways, the incident at Tokyo has wrecked them; it has robbed them of their self-esteem, their confidence, their passion and their beliefs. All of that— no more.

And just as sudden as the Uranohoshi’s school idol club had come to be, it had also dissolved on an equally abrupt note. A unanimous unspoken decision, it had been. No one bothers turning up for practice anymore anyway.

Not even Dia, who’s practically obsessed with everything school idol and is probably the most passionate amongst them three.

Or at least, she used to be.

A quick impromptu visit to her place shows that she has all of her posters of various— μ's one in particular— school idols taken down, and her merchandise stowed away, leaving her room oddly barren and bland. Almost like a blank empty canvas.

And it leaves nothing but a bad taste in Mari’s mouth, though she reserves whatever comments she has made to herself, holding her tongue for the moment.

Dia, for the most part, has been far more snappy than usual, with the slightest of things easily setting her off into a rampage. It’s probably her way of coping from the incident, Mari supposes, and for each time Dia decides to bite her head off for whatever reasons, she takes it all in stride with a flippant shrug here and a breezy smile there.

Better that, than drawing into one’s self, Mari would argue.

Which brings her to her next case in point— Kanan.

She hardly ever gets to see the girl nowadays.

She’s never home on their days off from school, always out at sea, diving and exploring the unknown depths for hours on end. And when they’re at school, she’s usually walking around like a ghost, eyes glazed over and faraway, lost in a perpetual daze.

“Kanan…” Mari murmurs imploringly, having cornered the girl in question during their lunch break at school.

Kanan doesn’t even look up at her, only stands there limply with her head hung low.

“Kanan, please. Talk to me.” Mari pleads, trying once more, her desperation leading her to squeeze at the unresponsive girl’s shoulders far too firmly than she has intended to. Though, even if it had hurt, Kanan doesn’t let it show.

This time, Kanan finally glances up.

And immediately, Mari is struck by the hollowness of her gaze, and it sets her back slightly.

Twin amethysts, the very same ones that never fail to glimmer back at Mari with a hint of mischief, always sparkling in all of her memories, have never looked any more duller, looking so empty. Vacant. Holding not a single trace of a twinkle.

Looking at Kanan now, so utterly defeated and resigned in the state that she is in, is like looking at a diamond that has ultimately lost its luster, never to shine again.

A heart-wrenching sight.

The brightest star always fall the hardest, they say.

And it cuts Mari deep, just thinking about never being able to see that radiant smile of hers ever again, or feel the soft press of her body up against her, enveloping her in that gentle warmth of hers; or the sound of her laughter like bells in the distance.

Unable to hold herself back no longer, Mari throws her arms over Kanan, and draws her swiftly into an embrace, holding her tightly, with one hand coming to gently cradle around the back of her head.

“Kanan!”

“M-Mari…”

Her voice carries over to Mari in a soft whisper, thin and weak, barely holding up in the fleeting breeze. It’s the first thing Mari has heard Kanan say all day, and she feels her fingers tensing, squeezing at her back tentatively, as if testing out the movement, unsure.

“I…” Kanan falters. Her voice cracks. “I just…” She inhales deeply. And with an exhale, she gently pries away from Mari, taking all the warmth away with her. Her eyes are more tired, not so much as glassy as it was before, but dull all the same. “I just want to be left alone for now.” She murmurs dispiritedly, taking a full step back, and Mari compares the action to putting a knife through her.

The distance between them has never been this vast before.  
It hurts.

With a breath and curt nod, Kanan proceeds to leave the area quietly, sidestepping around Mari and whisking right past her.

“Wait, Kanan!”

And she doesn’t even turn to look back at Mari as she leaves.

Even when she’s crying out her name, plaintively as so.

Kanan can be cruelly stubborn like that, Mari supposes.

And as she watches her go, her silhouette fading around a bend, Mari struggles to keep her pieces from falling apart, to no avail.

Kanan’s leaving **_is_** the final blow.

She feels a tiny portion of her heart shatter within her, its broken shards piercing her deep; but try as she might, Mari refuses to bleed.

However, despite her efforts, a lone tear still manages to slither down her cheek, squeezing past her iron defenses; past the layers of masks she’d force herself to don each day since their failure in Tokyo.

Taking in a couple steadying breaths, Mari quickly swipes at her face and gathers herself together.

Because who is to be strong for both Dia and Kanan, if not her?

But at the end of the day, everyone has their limits, and Mari has hers. She can only do so much, before she finds herself, slowly but surely, reaching her breaking point.

When her father had returned back home to Japan one day, in his attempts to once again entice her to rejoin their family back in America, Mari had seen it as a chance— a means of escape— and on a whim, she took it.

On the day of her departure, Mari leaves without looking back.

It is only at some point during her flight, where she’s high up above the clouds and halfway across the Pacific Ocean, that the realization of her leaving finally sinks in. After years of stalling to remain in Japan, she is actually— _**actually**_ —leaving.

Her precious memories.

Her two best friends.

Kanan.

She is leaving them all behind.

For the very first time in years, Mari bleeds, breaking down completely as she weeps over her broken dreams and tarnished friendships.

She weeps for Dia who has lost her fire— her passion and love for school idols. For Kanan who has lost her will to shine. For herself, who has ultimately given up hope in the end.

When Mari touches land at last, with eyes, red-rimmed, and face, tear-stained, she vows to return stronger one day to make things right again.

And next time, she wouldn’t be one to give up so easily.

 

* * *

 

Mari eventually returns two years after their plight in Tokyo.

And up till the point of her homecoming, she has not a single clue to what sort of a reaction she would garner out of her two best friends. Or if they even still consider her a friend after her abandonment.

But even with that in mind, it does not stop her from shouldering through with her trademark airy smiles and flippant shrugs, looking heedlessly unaffected by the less than lukewarm welcome she has received so far.

Despite the unfamiliar steel in Dia’s eyes and the edge in her voice during their first encounter ever since her timely return, Mari knows, that inwardly, Dia had been pleased to see her. A subtle flicker of warmth through those emeralds, and that’s all the welcome— assurance— Mari needs.

But Kanan, on the other hand…

Has been far less than pleased with her. From that deep-set frown to the ice in her eyes, guarded and all-so wary, it had hurt Mari far more than she would ever let on, but she takes it all in stride.

She deserves it— the hostility and the resentment— after all.

Inwardly, Mari wonders if things could ever go back to the way it had been before, considering the giant rift between them and the current situation that has been looming over them, swinging precariously over their heads like an axe— a painful reminder of the past.

Then, she remembers her resolve.

Her vow.

And she carries herself on forward.

Forward, never looking back.

But Kanan— ever the cruelly stubborn Kanan— has always managed to somehow find a way to get under her skin, whether Mari likes it or not. She’s the only one who is able to ruffle her feathers, tear down her defenses and make her weak in the knees all in the same breath.

Then again, it’s only natural of her since, she is, indubitably, the brightest gem in Mari’s life.

Even then, when was at her lowest.

And even now, as she’s standing before Mari with the wind in her hair, starlight coursing down on her in pale silver streams as beads of perspiration glisten all over her body like little winking diamonds; she’s still shining, in the exact same way Mari remembers her doing so years ago.

Yes, even with that crease in her brows, the narrowed eyes and her primed lips, Kanan still manages to shine. Though, unlike before, it’s far less of an innocent sort of a shine, and more like how a newly sharpened knife would glint heavily under the light. Lethal. Dangerous.

Beautiful.

Mari wishes she had never left.

Then maybe things would have played out differently between them.

But it’s probably too late to be crying over spilled milk now.

“I’m not giving up.” Mari says, heatedly, a promise— a reminder— more to herself than anything else.

Tears are spilling over her cheeks and her shoulders are quivering, her chest feels tight and her throat is clamming up, but she can hardly find it in herself to be strong in front of her anymore.

“I swear I’ll get it back!” She cries out to Kanan’s retreating form, a hand gripping over her chest, so swollen with emotions, threatening to burst free. “This time, I’m not giving up.” She tries once more to garner her attention— to stop her in her tracks from leaving. “Kanan!”

But just like the last time, Kanan leaves without looking back.

And despite the fact that Mari is left, utterly shattered into pieces and smithereens, she still clings on to the faint glimmer of Kanan in the distance— her shining beacon of hope.

Weeping by the pier in the dark, she solemnly swears, with her battered heart gripped between her trembling fingers.

_I won’t give up on us._

 

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I should probably apologize for the downward spiral into angst lol, when especially what we need now is more fluff. Then again, it can't be helped with ep 8 and all of that kanamari gay angst, this story was practically begging to be written. But welp anyway, I hoped you guys enjoyed this piece, and thank you so much for reading! ^^


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